Juno-Gemini

Are you doing it this year? I am for the first time, I know its down right now but I been collecting refs either way with site cross posting, figure it can't hurt to see if anyones interested on here, give me a shout here or in my inbox, or when the site it up and running again check my page out here -->artfight.net/~MechaBekah I am going to draw for each person who draws for me, but I am also branching out to things I wouldn't pick on my own for the sake or variety practice (I'm letting the random button chose my fate) but anyone who draws what I draw, yell at me yah

My Dad died today around 6:30 6:40 AM and I haven't been taking kindly to it for the last week or so. I had to make the desiceon to take him off life support around two or three days ago since he only trusted me to 'make the right deisions' for him when he couldn't, he thought everyone else was going to leave  him for dead. And yeah, we fought a lot and did things one another didn't like but he constantly went out of his way to help me and get me  things when I didn't have any money or was depressed, and I feel bad for the last year or so I've been so angry with everyone else in  the house I've declined to one word responses and refusal to do anything with him and hid in my room constantly as soon as I got home. My life has revolved around taking care of him and always being around him for twelve or more years now right when I got out of school or work, and now I have a massive gap in my life, I don't have friends I can go to offline, or things to do, places to be with others, work friends are strictly for work, what little I have is online and even online I'm short fused and arguementive. I constantly hide how I feel the moment my cousin and uncle are home cause I don't want to show any sign of weakness around them, and yet even with what has happened,they STILL refuse to help in any form as they ha when my dad was alive, the exact thing that made me avoid everyone. I've been sick for days now, I hardly touch food, I always feel like I'll throw it up, my blood pressure has been so high my regular nose bleeds are back, I don't sleep unless I leave something on youtube running all night, theres points I'm alone in the house completley and I just have massive melt downs, I hate it and I don't forgive myself for what happened, and I put blame on myself, and I regret everything an being so distant and constantly shoving him off when all he wanted was for me to smile for once and do something with  him and instead II was just a massive bitch. A couple weeks ago I came home from work and went straight to my room, I happened to come down stairs and he wasn't breathing, I called the hospital to geet him help and they put him on a ventilator for a week, come that sunday he insisted on signing himself out  even though doctors begged him to stay, he wasn't aware I'm the one who called until the day after and through profuse thanking I just said 'yep' and walked off to cook for everyone, and when  he said he was going to try this time to do better I refused to believe him. Not even twenty four hours after coming home he went to sleep and never woke up, I went to work being argumentive about how he always does this, and before I left work I was told by my mother who watched him the whole time she gave in and brought him back where they put him on a ventilator again. My mother tells me he doesn't look good, next day I'm told there might be something wrong with his brain, later I'm told test results look bad. A few days into this and all tests are done I'm told he will never come out of this state, a stroke and no oxygen to his brain while everyone was asleep he was already like this long before wee got him to the hospital again. The part of his brain that makes you who you are was dead and irepairable and it would be tourture to leave him in the state he was in where nothing but machines were keeping him alive, nothing was responsive, he can hear but nothing is distinguishable or knows what or who they are, he can't feel anything but his body would forcibly twitch just cause a machine was making him breathe still. He told me to do what I felt was right, and I know he wouldn't want to lose his dignity being a corpse relying on a machine and unable to do nothing, he hates machines, he hates the idea of turning into some borg monstrocity, weather I liked it or not I gave them the legal right to take him off life support and after two and a half days he finnaly completely passed away on hospital standards. I  feel like a horrible person, I feel scared and alone, I don't want to bother people with any of this or talk to no one but at the same time I feel like no one cares both for me or him, I'm worried about myself cause I keep getting worse about it everyday  and I'm worried about recovering properly or if I'm going to be damaged in some way shape or form permantley, I can't/won't draw for a long while, and anxiety over our bills and keeping the house has already started to eat away at me. I don't know I just feel like I had to say something. I just feel like a bad person.

Did this so I have/want to as well. I wanna see your own ORIGINAL characters!

RULES:
1. For each of the first 20 people to comment to this journal, I will feature one of their characters. I'll also tell you what I like about them.

2. If you comment, please do the same in your journal, putting the tagger on in the first slot. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone! (BTW if you do this, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DO ALL 20. I think it's a bit of a large number, so I completely understand if you shorten the number.)

Come on guys I know there's at least 20 of you with some pretty awesome characters!

Edit: I'm only extending this to friends and active watchers from here and Tumblr since I put a lot of stuff on there too, sorta a you help me I help you version *shrug*

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Commision Info (Currently You Are Helping Fund: Majour Oral And Jaw Surgery)

Pencil sketch: $5.00
Inked: $8.00
Coloured: $12.00
Shaded Pencil: $15.00
Additional Characters: $3.00 per character
Dream Catcher Necklace: $10.00
Small Dream Catcher - 3 Inch: $15.00
Medium Dream Catcher - 5 Inch: $25.00
Large Dream Catcher - 7 Inch: $35.00
Custom Press On Nails - 24 count set: $15.00
Everything has free shipping!