So after going completely catatonic and having a massive melt down only three days after returning to work I have left my first job of ten years. I am both happy and unhappy with this, it is good I am now working in a better enviorment, with much nicer people who care about my input or concerns an don't yell at me if I forget something, I make a better wage as small as it may be compaired to the last job I can afford to pay more of my bills and hopefully for food and other nessesities soon (I won't know till I see how these paychecks add up over the next few months), and I get more hours than previously received (which is taking a toll on my body sadly) At the same time I'm upset I no longer get to work decorating cakes, my entire clientel base of ten years is now gone and I know they won't come back to my previous place of work without me making their pre ordered cakes. I'd like to also mention none of our competitors or any o my sister stores will do what I do, its considered too hard dispite it not being difficult at all, it is a gimmick mass chains use to hire litterally anyone off the street, your only allowed to make preapproved designs and they are extremely boring and lacking in skill or colour simply because they want it fast and they want a lot and so they don't have to pay actual cullinary artists more. Also the working conditions just went down hill sharply in the last few years which a lot of people could have figured out from my horrificly misserable additude I've had the last few years it spawned from work and home issues and the home issues are somewhat being worked on right now. I don't like the fact I am working retail, in a job litterally anyone can do, yet I am struggling with the most basic tasks, and how much I hesitate in fear to do things because its been permanetly burned into my head that I will be reamed severely if I fuck up remotely....yet when I finnaly give up and ask for help they say its fine and I'll learn everything within a month no problem.
It baffles me that I don't get cursed at constantly by customers who try to bully me in to making them extremely work centric cakes for twenty bucks in under and hour, and that all my coworkers no longer ditch me to do all there work while they muck up mine as I clean up after everyone, I basically became a babysitter for people my parents age while they got paid three times the amount I got an hour, so I might not like that I work in a Bed and Bath compared to making silly stupid cakes but its safe to say for my health both mentally and physically this is a much needed life improvement, the fact I willingly get out of bed every morning now should be proof alone.
Aside from a new job that treats me better and pays better with more hours, I have medical insurance....for now it is free from the state since I hardly made over 11k last year and we know I made less this year,but after working this new job I might make too much, well worry about that when it comes. Work also offers 401k plans after you meet certain work criteria, which I plan to set one up, its time I take care of myself for the future. I have started up on fixing the house again, scraping enough money up to fix our twelve years of leaking roof that the previous contractor lied about finishing (it was bare baseboard, it went down the attic into one spot everytime it rained or snow melted, ceiling to be fixed once we know its sealed for sure) I cleaned out the living area and threw out a second sofa and replaced it with a papasan since I was the only sitting there IF I came out of hiding, Its all part of stopping all the hoarding and fixing the house and so far its a night and day differencee that I feel less caved in from everyone elses mess, I have fixed my draft table and the area around it and can use my art room again and Im still working on and off to get rid of stuff I don't need or use, I have acknowledge I need 'help' and am willing to look into it so long as my parents stay out of it, including medical attention like getting my eyes checked (well they claim im not colour blind but I disagree, but they said Ill be needing glasses soon, I blame computer screens and detail whoring with my art), I got my lady parts checked and I still don't need to have surgery from dreaded endometriosis which is good cause I don't want surgeries nor to miss work, I've been taking eveything my personal trainer says to and eatting what and when she says to so I don't feel sick all the time and its helped supposedly...people see a differece but I don't feel it, also my scars are finnally starting to heal from my freak poison sumac accident at the beginig of summer they will be permanent and they cover my forearms and legs completely but most of it will hardly be noticable ina year or two. I've started drawing again for myself. I have been taking better care of myself and my plant friends to keep my room looking pretty enough to keep trying to maintaina nice and comfortable enviorment. This might all be stupid pety bullshit to others but it helps me and right now I think careing only about myself for a while is the best thing I should be doing, i've been putting everyone else before me way too long with nothing or insults in return and that needs to change right now. And lastly and most importantly:
I have been doing commissions since May on one of my tumblrs and recently on my main tumblr, I was doing it to make ends meet with my previous job and it helped a good deal, but after finnaly make a proper lay out (at least till I change or update the art) I can finnaly put it up on here too. I'll be adding more options on here as I situate my self better offline, things like sculpting or jackets will appear on here in the short future, I want to make more art for myself, but i want to make art for others too, especially now that I don't have an art job, so if you want to look over prices and dos and don'ts maybe you'd like to check it out, litterally everything on there right now is free shipping, and everything comes with freebies too,, heres a link: mechabekahscakery.tumblr.com/p…
and if you don't mind I actually have one I should be doing right now so yeah
long read is long